I heard we made out
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
