You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
