sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
