eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
