You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
