I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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