we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
