soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't turn off my feet"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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