I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
