My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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