you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just crazy horny about you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
