I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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