so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
