Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
