Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
