we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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