My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
