Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
