I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
