I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
