I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
