So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
