Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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