Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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