my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
