there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His nipple licking is glorious
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