You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
