If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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