I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
