I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
