That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
