so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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