I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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