HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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