Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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