i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
