Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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