Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
