Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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