i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
