Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize