sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i've created a new STD.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
