I puked a lego.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
