Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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