I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
