the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
