when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
