Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
