Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
