"it" just moved
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
