pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
