shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
