and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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