you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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