He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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