Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
