My Higher Power is John Stamos
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
