No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
