this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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