Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
