Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
