I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
