So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
