:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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